he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
