I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
