Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
