DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
