Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
