Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
