He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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