All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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