I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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