He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
