can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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