remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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