I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
