he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
