I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
honey bunches of taint.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
