and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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