I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
