i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
