if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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