I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
