it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
