hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's never too late to be topless.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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