Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
