Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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