I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
only you would photoshop your dick
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
