my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
