This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just gift wrapped bread.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
