I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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