Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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