Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
