I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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