my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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