Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
