You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
