You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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