I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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