Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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