Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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