dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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