So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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