Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
