Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
