We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
