PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
