thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
