New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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