I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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