it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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