I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
