I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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