Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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