Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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