Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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