Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
